Look Me in the Eye...

It's fun
Being the Sun

Being Today's light
Not knowing the Darkness
Of Tomorrow's fright

Being The Warmth
Good enough for me
Or You, or for Both

Then at Night
You think I'm gone
Putting the Shadows away
Turning off the Furnace
While You hide in the Dark
Thankful to escape the Heat

But where is the Shade
For Me?
But where is the Breeze
For Me?

Lonely Sun
Contrary Sun

Shining On
Burning On

You know why?

Because
The best way to dodge
A peering gaze
A deceitful gaze
Isn't a curtain
Isn't a smokescreen
Isn't a maze

When you're the Sun
It is
The ability to say
"Look Me in the Eye"

About Adjectives

Even though I can use my fair share of adjectives pretty well, I'm not a great fan of theirs. Using adjectives is like indulging in self-pity...once you don't do it, you feel you'd be better off doing it, and once you've gone and cried your heart out, you find that nothing's changed, and that you could've done better.

When I use adjectives, words to describe things, or people, or feelings, I feel a great thrill of having so many arrows in my quiver, and I spare no effort to try and use the most apt words in my collection. But somehow, especially in the case of people, and of natural beauty, the harder I try, the more dissatisfied I feel.

I remember that when I was about 8 or 9 years old, we had to mug up what we called 'anek shabdon ke liye ek shabd' in Hindi. It was one of the easiest parts of the syllabus, because when I sat with my Mum before the exam, and she helped me revise, it was perhaps the only type of question in which she had to speak more than I did while answering! :)

I remember taking an inordinate amount of pleasure in being able to use these words-standing-for-oh-so-long-phrases. At that time, it felt very good that I was able to cheat my way out of writing long sentences. Just like everybody likes long mathematical expressions to reduce to concise LH and RH sides! However, with time, as I began to write more, to write better, not just in my own opinion, but in everybody's, I found these abridgements of expression to be very suffocating. What was worse, every one used them!

It was no longer a big deal to call a scenery 'pristine' or 'enchanting' or any of the umpteen shortcuts there exist to disguise the fact that, even if you tried, you wouldn't be able to much justice to the object of your fascination. It was then, that I decided that I had to unlearn some things. Even if it were to come at the cost of not being lazy!

It's taken me some time to gather the courage to avoid using adjectives when I really, really want to do a good job of describing something very moving, or very beautiful or very exciting. I've moved away from the adjective as a descriptive tool, towards the analogy, or even towards a more visceral, blow-by-blow account of the way I have felt at those times when I felt overwhelmed by what I experienced.

By this, I mean that I've tried to link experiences in one panorama, to those in another. And believe me, the similarities are striking, and very thrilling to discover. Too often, we condense our emotions into cliches and banalities, rather than try and express the feelings as they came, one following the other, like a river through its meanders. The start and the end may not be very far apart, but the beauty of the landform lies in the circuitousness of the path.

It's hard sometimes to simultaneously experience, and to record, the cascade of feelings that you go through. But for a few blissful moments after the experience has passed, you can still see those sights, hear those sounds and feel that touch, as if it were still there. Realization dawns slowly, and if you're really serious about capturing the essence of the moment, that's the time for you. And you know as well as I do, that that feeling is not a combination of adjectives. It's like a seasonal river in flood, breaking down the dams that strive in vain to hold it within its banks.

You are certain to be washed away, but the day you learn how to keep your eyes open even while your helpless little skiff is at the mercy of the torrent, you'll know exactly what I mean.